he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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