I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
