My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
