too bad you live with your parents still
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
