'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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