we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
