Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
