so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
