every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My dick has a subreddit
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
