do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
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My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
