did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My life is pants optional.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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