Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
