ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
