he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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