i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
