I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
