3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
