and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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