btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
