Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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