who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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