My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize