put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
