I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize