Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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