why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
