i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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