This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
