I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
