My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
