I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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