this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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