I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
