38 yer olds are good kisserssss
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
