is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Is Oprah even human
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize