fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
party gras won. party gras always wins.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
