i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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