I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
