After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
