did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
