I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
