You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
