dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
