What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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