i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
