dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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