Your dad touched me again.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
