I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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