She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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