Have you finally orgasmed yet?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
