So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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