So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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