I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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