the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
