Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
