Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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