How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
