someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Damn victory sex feels great
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
