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And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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