then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
worst night to have a conscience
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
