i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you didnt know i had herpes?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
