dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
