There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
