Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
