hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
