He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
