ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
