Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
