so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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