Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
