I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
