At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
