Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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